a little BIG man

A sling... A sling on a childs hand has waken him up from his nightmare... A sling on a childs hand and a big, earnest smile on her eyes turned his pittyful life into a brilliant one... A little 8 year old girl and her eyes, two things which became suddenly his world. A world, which also had dashed to pieces suddenly... So suddenly that, 3 film crips would be enough to define this scene, if somebody wants to make his life a film. In the first crip there would be a beautiful woman with a little girl sleeping together in their untroubled house and in the second crip there would be man, an enemy of Can, who kills both heartless and at the last crip there would be Can coming home late finding them killed. A sling on a childs hand...

Two eyes which had seen the cruelest aspects of the world maybe in the worst way and try to stand to the nightmare he is acrossed with. His little girl and lovely wife were killed because of him. All of these were his fault. His fault. If he weren’t a journalist and wrote all the articles against strong people on the society these wouldn’t happened to his family. He should have known that before all of these. He should have stopped this, before it stoled his family. He and his wife canvassed about it continously and he ressisted on writing the truths. Acorrding his wife, his family should be primary and he didn’t listen to her. Never listened to her... Should have listened to her... Should have... Should... If he had a chance to take time back he would listen to her.. But in the real life we don’t have that chance. He would give anything to have a chance... Just one chance to change a little fault he made. A little fault killed two most important things in his life. Two important things which he forgot a while ago and payed this absence of mind with most deep and painful way. Two eyes which had cried out the world...

Three times shots... Two times shots were ended the life of his wife according to the experts and just one time shot to his little girl was enough to end her life. He knows that, it wasn’t the three shots came from a bullet which ended their lives. It was him. Him. And his articles. Articles, which gained him nothing but as many enemies and fans as he can gain. Enemies with eyes full of hatred... On a stormy, rainy wheater when the city was asleep his wife and his little girl were murdered. Two times shots to his wife and just one time shot to his girl was at all. At all...

After this accident he has changed a lot. He quit his job and began to spent his days crying infront of the picture of his wife and daughter. He didn’t noticed that, the winter has gone and the spring has come. Spring, his favourite season.

Then one day, 25^th of May 2007,four months after the murders, his best friend convinced him to go outside and have some air. It was a calm, shining wheater. While walking, a little girl came next to him and starred. She starred at him as if they know each other for a long time; he starred at her as if he found the missing part of his life; his joy.

She came near to him with a sling, with a sling and earnest smile in her eyes. He was mesmerised. He was such mesmerised that he couldn’t notice that she started talking to him. And then they started a conversation.

After a while her mother came, he and she starred to each other. Starred as if they learned each other lives in that seconds. They were interrupted with a voice coming from deep and demanding to walk. The little girl, her mother and he began to walk talking about nothing, but the festival that has been going to shown on next friday. Then he asked them to join him in the dinner and looked them in a way that they could not refuse.

He took them to a restaurant, which he had gone with his family for years and he haven’t gone after the murder. He had always feel like at home with the ambiance in this restaurant. He has been afraid to go to this restaurant until this day. And now he was there. There, standing with a woman and a girl, met just hours ago. Waiters noticed and remembered him, gazed him and gave them the most beautiful table. They sat down and began to talk. Each of them including the daughter thought, that they were in a fairy tale and a narrator was reading their scenes. The woman was a widow, who lost his husband in a murder just like the murder happened to Can’s wife and daughter. The reason and the events were the same in both murders. If they would talk about it further maybe they could found, that it couldn’t be a coincidence, but they stoped talking about things that they were came across with monhts and started to talk about the neverland that the little girl was dreaming about.

While they were talking the doors of the neverland opened to them and they entered to the world where no wrong and unhappiness exists. Walking through the door, imaginary world captured them with his wild big hands and they were really so happy that they didn’t want to get out of that world.

The neverland was a world in which no bad things happen to good guys and when people were good enough, then they would never feel the lack of happiness and joy. The neverland was a world in which the good guys win at the and of the story and entire world is against bad people. People, who kills people without a purpose. It was a world, you can sing a song with birds and write poetry with your lover in front of a river and expect other animals to join to them... It was such a wonderfull world.

When he was waken up, he was in a cold, white hospital room. He couldn’t understand anything. A white dressed woman wanted to give him a medicine, which he could not understand. The last thing he remembers was it was the 25^th of March and he met a girl and her mother, which took all of his pain and gave the joy he had been seeking for a long time. Now all of a sudden he was in a room hands fixed to a bed. Confused by the evidences, he asked the date. She said that the date is 20^th of January 2007. He couldn’t say anything and starred with flurry eyes to the white wall and to his arms fixed to bed, questioning if he is going to nonsense or this was just a dream that he sees.

(ocak 2007)
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